We all love appreciation. But how about insults or at least what we perceive as insults or rudeness or any form of contempt?
A snub can ruin our day. Even a slight may cause pain.
As Thiruvalluvar (Tamil Poet and Philosopher) said…
தீயினாற் சுட்டபுண் உள்ளாறும் ஆறாதே
நாவினாற் சுட்ட வடு. (129)
Meaning: The wound caused by fire will heal within, but not the scar left by the tongue.
How to Handle Insults?
The Stoics offer insights:
- When somebody insults you consider whether what the insulter said is true, if it is there is little reason to be upset.
- The insulter may be saying what he sincerely believes to be true. Instead of getting angry at the insulter, correct him politely (if possible)
- Consider the source of the insult. If the source is a person whom you respect, then you should consider his criticism.
- If the source of the insult is an unworthy person, then ignore him. If he is taunting you, then you must be going in the right direction.
The stoics say that another person cannot harm you unless you allow them to do so.
The stoics’ aim is to reach a state where they neither seek approval nor hate disapproval – equanimity.
Responding to an Insult
Stoics suggest humor, preferably self-deprecating. For those not quick-witted, they recommend adopting a gracious silence.
Repeated insults call for stern correction, not t admonish the insulter, but to guide him towards better conduct.
If you are a disadvantaged person, stoics ask us to learn to remove the sting of the insult and raise above it.
Thiruvalluvar proposes an interesting response, stating that at times if the insulter is essentially decent but misinformed, we can enlighten them by responding to their insult with an act of kindness.
இன்னாசெய் தாரை ஒறுத்தல் அவர்நாண
நன்னயஞ் செய்து விடல். (314)
Punish an evil-doer by shaming him with a good deed.
Channel the Stoic Wisdom
In essence, handling insults is about fostering resilience and magnanimity.
Let’s channel the stoic wisdom, embrace equanimity, and turn slights into stepping stones toward personal growth.
Source:
A Guide to the Good Life
The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy
William B. Irvine
